Nobody loses by giving love, because offering it with sincerity, with passion and delicate affection dignifies us as people. On the other hand, who does not know how to receive it or take care of that immense gift is the one who indeed loses. Therefore remember, never regret having loved and lost, because the worst is not knowing how to love.
Fortunately, neuroscience is offering us day after day, revealing information that explains why we act as we act in this love. The first thing to remember is that the human brain is not prepared for loss; it overcomes us, immobilizes us and cloaks us for a time in the palace of suffering.
«Love has no cure, but it is the cure of all evils.» –Leonard Cohen–
We are genetically programmed to connect with each other and to build emotional bonds with which to feel safe, with which to build a project. This is how we have survived as a species, “connecting”, hence a loss, a separation, and even a simple misunderstanding makes the alarm signal in our brain instantly jump.
Now, another complex aspect on the subject of effective relationships is how we face this separation, said rupture. From a neurological point, it can be noted that stress hormones begin to be released instantly, in many cases forming what is known as “the broken heart”. However, from an emotional and psychological point of view, what many people feel is another type of reality.
Not only do they experience pain because of the lack of being loved. They feel a loss of energy, of vital breath. It is as if all the love is given, all the hopes and affections dedicated to that person had also left, leaving them empty, barren, withered …
So how to love again if the only thing that lives inside us is the dust of a bad memory? We need to face these moments differently. We’ll talk about it below.
Give love or avoid loving again
All of us are a delicate and chaotic compendium of past stories, of lived emotions, of buried bitterness and hidden fears. When a new relationship starts, nobody does it by previously sending all their past experiences to the recycle bin. No one starts from “0”. Everything is there, and the way we have managed our past will make us live an affective and emotional present with greater maturity, with greater fullness.
Now, the fact of having lived in our skin a bitter betrayal or, perceiving that love has gone out in the heart of our partner dramatically changes the way we see things. Giving love with intensity during a particular time, and then remaining empty and cloistered in the room of memories and lost illusions often change the architecture of our personality.
There is no lack of someone who becomes distrustful, and even who gradually develops the icy and iron armor of isolation where they can internalize the classic mantra of “better not to love so as not to suffer”. However, it is necessary to tear down a basic idea in these processes of slow “self-destruction.”
We must never regret having loved, having risked an all or nothing for that person. It is those acts that dignify us, which make us human and beautiful at the same time. To live is to love and love is to make sense of our lives through all the things we do: our work, our hobbies, our personal and emotional relationships …
If we renounce love or repent for having offered it, we also renounce the most beautiful part of ourselves.
Heal the lost love
According to a study carried out at the University College of London, there are certain differences between men and women when facing an emotional breakdown. The emotional response seems to be very different. Women feel much more the impact of separation. However, it is common for them to recover before men.
They, on the other hand, tend to appear to be well, dressed in the mask of the fortress taking refuge in their occupations and responsibilities. However, they do not always manage to overcome this break or take years to do so. The reason? Female sex usually has better skills to manage her emotional world. Facilitate relief, seek support and face what happened from a perspective where forgiveness is found, and the attitude of turning the page usually makes things easier.
Be that as it may, and beyond the genders or the reason that caused this break, some things are bright that it is necessary to inoculate in our heart as a vaccine. No emotional failure should veto our opportunity to be happy again. Let’s say “no” to being slaves of the past and eternal captives of suffering.
Another aspect that is good to remember is that love is not synonymous with suffering. Let’s not feed hopes or extend the “gum” of a relationship that has an expiration date beforehand. A withdrawal in time saves hearts, and a brave goodbye closes one door to open another, that where love is always conjugated with the word HAPPINESS.